Here’s a little help for getting that new job you’ve always wanted!
Those funny questions on job applications? No problem — We’ve got you covered. Here’s some no-lose answers for those questions:
Sex: I like it
When were you born? Not yesterday!
Are you married? Only if I am filling out a tax form.
Have you ever been convicted of a felony? Only in nine states. But they all looked over 18!
Have you applied to this company before? Yes, but they said that I could apply “next century”. It’s Y2K now.
Do you feel that you are qualified for this position? Trick question!
Where do you see yourself in two years? Still drunk.
Questions/Comments: If I am always sick, do I get to use other people’s sick days?
Soonest I can start: Never! I already quit.
Now that we’ve got that covered. Trouble with your resumé? No problem, once again! Here’s some tips to improve your resumé for potential employers:
Masters Degree in Computer Science - Expected June of 2020.
Willing to relocate to fill position - Employer must provide house.
More than happy to work full time! - Must have nine hour lunch break.
Willing to commute to work - Will only work from home.
I have no vehicle - Interviewer must be willing to drive to my location.
Excellent Verbal Communication Skills - As long as you never disagree.
Excellent Written Communication Skills - Employer must be fluent in gibberish.
Work Experience: Typing this resumé.
Expected Salary: As much as I can get before you say “No”.
Here’s a special one for you MMORPG Volunteers!
Related Internet Job Experience: I made quests for players who were represented by pixels in a virtual environment… ON-LINE!
Don’t worry, you’ll find a job in no time.
