Unhelpful

I’m not sure how funny this is, but Ceryx seemed to get a kick out of it, so at his behest, I am posting it here.

Several days ago, at about 11 am, my cell phone started ringing. That’s pretty odd, because I only use it for outgoing calls in emergencies. I tend to get a lot of telemarketer calls, which is good, because I derive a perverse pleasure in playing with telemarketers. I know it’s their job and they don’t deserve the abuse, but I do so nonetheless. I once had a telemarketer actually call me back after I concluded a conversation with “fuck off” to say “Sir, fuck you too.” I was never prouder of a telemarketer in my life.

But I digress.

So, the phone was ringing. I answered it. I was greeted with a jovial “Hey, Bob! It’s Sal!”

Now, most people, in this situation, would simply say, “I’m sorry, sir, but you have the wrong number.” But not me. Oh, no. Not me.

Summoning up my most cheery, happy voice, I said “Yo! Sal! How goes it, buddy?”

Sal proceeded to tell me about a number of problems at the “site.” I don’t know what the “site” was, but that didn’t matter. I winged it, answering most of his questions with “Yeah” and “Uh-huh.”

At one point, he said, “Hey, Bob, you sound a little funny. You alright?”

Luckily, I’m a fast thinker. “Ah, I have a goddamn cold,” I said.

The conversation ended a few seconds later, with Sal telling me that either myself, or some fellow named “Willie” should go out to the site later. I said, “Ah, okay. I’ll send out Willie as soon as he gets in. Bye, buddy!”

About 2 hours later, my phone rang.

I assume Willie never showed up.

I didn’t pick up the phone.

My phone rang several times an hour for several hours thereafter.

In retrospect, I probably cost some folks a pretty fair amount of cash and time. I feel a little bad about it. But it’s okay, I’m sure Sal understands.

After all, he seemed like a pretty nice guy.

Let’sContent!

Is this what you wanted, Ceryx? Content? Well, HERE IT IS.

I hope you fucking CHOKE.

How dare you disturb the dust which collects upon Delusion’s creation, Ithaqua. You shall surely burn within the cleansing fires of… Well “Hell” doesn’t exist.

At first they insisted that reinforcements be called in. The three guards who were waiting on stand-by call at home came in and the night shift of guards voluntarily remained on duty to bolster the morning shift. The guards met and decided to treat force with force.

They got a fire extinguisher which shot a stream of skin-chilling carbon dioxide, and they forced the prisoners away from the doors.

The guards broke into each cell, stripped the prisoners naked, took the beds out, forced the ringleaders of the prisoner rebellion into solitary confinement, and generally began to harass and intimidate the prisoners.

This isn’t what most of you think it is.

If you think it’s the account of a US prison rebellion, you’re wrong.

If you think the prisoners are Jews, and that this took place in the Hitler’s Germany, you’re wrong.

If you think this is a tale about defiance in a despotic third-world regieme, you’re still wrong.

It’s August, 1971 in Palo Alto, California, and this is just part of the story of something that happened not in a “real” prison, but rather in a university. Welcome to the Stanford Prison Experiment. Read more »

Tuesday, November 28, 2000 - 10:31 PM MST

You know, after Lum’s piece (which was filed as I was parsing this log), I should probably show some moderation and give the Glitchless people a break.

[Included in its entirety in the extension for your convenience.] Read more »

All is not well in the land of Dereth. In fact, some things are horribly, horribly wrong, and are doomed to relegate Asheron’s Call to a “legacy” game if not addressed soon - if it’s not too late already. Read more »

First Lieutenant William J. Clinton, a platoon commander in Company C of the 5th Battalion, 42nd Infantry, landed in Saigon, Vietnam today.

Reportedly, he was not able to locate his unit, nor for that matter, the US base he was assigned to. Although he was scheduled to report to his unit just outside Saigon, he was accidnetally misrouted to Ho Chi Minh City. He was optimistic, despite the confusion.

“I think the American presence here is clearly encouraging the government and troops of South Vietnam, and I’m confident we’ll defeat the Viet Cong in no time.”

Representatives of the government of South Vietnam and the Johnson administration were unavailable for comment.

I’ve been listening to a lot of the punditry regarding the presidential election. I would like to take this high-profile moment in our nation’s nistory to propose that we retire certain words and phrases from our political discourse.

Lockbox

This metaphor for “untouchable money” is a bit tired, to say the least. Let’s just give it up now before it replaces “breadbox” as a unit of measure in 20 Questions.

Mandate

Here’s a pet peeve: A president or other elected official declares his or her election a … you guessed it … “Mandate from the People”. Whenever I hear this phrase, it brings to mind the official propaganda of “Revolutionary” governments (hence the capitalization) such as China, Cuba, and until quite recently, Mexico. To me, “mandate” represents a true groundswell of political rapport, a real message from the people, as it were. When one wins election at a 48% vs 44% of the vote, this is not a flag-waving, marching band “mandate”. Go get at least 65% (and preferably 70% or more) of the vote before you take the word “mandate” out of its lockbox.

Divine the Intent of the Voter

I have to admit, this “manifesto” style of capitalization is fun in its own perverse way. This is one of those thorougly emotional phrases that may be great in winning debating points, but really grates in the mind of people who prefer a higher level of rhetorical discourse: one that assumes people are intelligent enough to see through the divination of political hacks. We trust our system to “divine the intent of the voter”, that’s how it works.

The People’s Business

Why is it that the only time it’s important to do the people’s business is precisely when there are twenty microphones and fifty cameras surrounding the speaker? Do these people ever wake up in the middle of the night and say to themselves “I’ll stop all this political posturing and party pissing matches so I can get the people’s business done?” I suspect that if they did, Congress could spend the last half of its yearly sessions watching reruns of the formative 70s TV sitcom “Good Times”.

and isn’t that exactly the way J.J. would have wanted it?

You know, I’m sure there’s some cutting social commentary that would be appropriate here, but … I’m nearly speechless.

Someone who doesn’t even follow MRPGs showed me this. I can’t figure out if this is hilarious, sad, bizarre, or just plain disturbing.

Discuss: But I’m sure you can. (Comments) [dead link]

[Note: This was an image of Firona Vie on amihotornot.com, long since expired.]

Turbine has a convenient player/dev Q&A page, so they can avoid answering the same questions over and over.

This one particularly amused me:

Question Title: Where are the Dragons?

Question: I understand why you have not picked up some of the traditional “D&D” type monsters. The game is fresh in this regard and I applaud you for your innovation…

Any chance of Dragons entering the world anytime soon?

Name: Jason Booth

Answer: none what so ever.

I have a suggestion. If you want cliché “traditional fantasy”, there are plenty of other games which cater to that brand of generica. Fight dragons with your drow elven princess warrior priestesses there.

Discuss: Sorry, “FIRST POST” has already been made. Continue on with your day. [dead link]

Step one: Graphics. Lots and lots of 3D Studio Max graphics. Movies are extra credit.

Step two: Promise them the world.

Step three: Lure legitimate sites into believing you.

Once this is done, move on to the point of this whole exercize, merchandising. Why bother creating a game at all when you can sell t-shirts and mouse pads? Sure does beat paying someone to do the hard part - you know, actually coding your game, creating artwork, pitching to a distributor, and …

…oh wait, please tell me you weren’t taking this seriously…

Discuss: Comments? (36 species of sponges can’t be wrong) [dead link]

You know, when I was about six years old in Michigan, I liked looking at my pennies. Some of them had Mr. Lincoln on them, and some had Mrs. Windsor on them.

I was sure they were married.

I bet they were pretty happy.

I like words that conjure up images and sounds. Like ’scurillous.’ That word is cool, because every time I hear it, it makes me think of a squirrel, happily eating nuts and frolicking in a grassy field filled with wildflowers.

Normally, this is where I would put in a counterpoint that is as equally disturbing as the squirrel image is idyllic. But I can’t think of anything disturbing right now.

Quote from the ‘Street Talk - How Do You Envision God?’ section of the Riverport Times (free publication) in St. Louis…

Lexie Korba. Student, St. Louis Community College-Meramec:

“Honestly, I don’t believe in God, but if I did I would envision a crusty heap of garbage oozing rancid sandwich dressing. It’s got little pink bunnies poking out, looking around, and it’s emanating the sound that cicadas make when they die.”

(Re-posted from 5 October due to a server relocation)

In a stunning development, the corporate handlers for the Bush and Gore campaign have formed an alliance and the two nominees now plan to run under the Bush/Gore ticket.

No word who’s getting the President billing versus the Vice President billing, we should have word after the remaining CEOs of the corporate oversight committee have voted.