Unhelpful

Date: Tue, 23 Nov 1999 01:51:25 -0800
From: _____
To: gimps@eef.r33t.org
Subject: doodie.jp

congratulations.

ep-sample has forever sealed my fate at [a certain California university]. it has also proved itself as an invaluable tool for weeding out the losers in your crew.

one student (we’ll call him “steve” cuz that’s his real name [name changed]) that we were trying to ditch due to a high annoyance factor happened to be in my dorm room while i was showing off all my videos (a large portion thereof from r33t.org)… the door was open, he saw the one with the poor sod getting whacked over the head by a shovel in Suburbia, IL, USA. he decided to watch the rest with the crew… i guess he’s sick like that.

he’s asian, too. not that it means too much, take it as you will.

the time came for the last one… ep-sample… i had been avoiding it and everyone wanted to know just what it was. like the big red button with the sign that says, “don’t push” … they all wanted to push the fucking button.

“alright,” sez me, “i’ve only been able to watch this once and i refuse to watch it again. i’m going to start it, and leave and close the door behind me. feel free to come out whenever you want.”

one by one, they all came out, but i made sure that “steve” stayed in the room. steve is a hardcore christian and we knew he’d just bring a downer on our crew whenever anyone insulted asians or christians or homosexuals in his presence. not that we have anything against those groups, but they tend to make for some damn funny jokes.

we scarred steve for life. he refuses to talk to us anymore, and is now a sad recluse who tries desperately to get his AMD K6/3 based system to work night after night so he can play games. he gets very emotional over small things, like Tiberian Sun not working properly.

thank you for this fantastic tool against the masses of weak-minded people in institutions of higher learning.

_____