Unhelpful

It’s our national outfit.

The ethnic outfit of the American consists of tennis shoes. It’s what most of them (us, dammit) wear. They’re big, clunky, and utterly tasteless - especially the brand name varieties. I haven’t worn them in almost 10 years and I certainly don’t miss them, preferring low Doc’s or a military boot.

But, as I’ve dealt with this issue, I’ve come to the point where I just accept it. It’s too pervasive to fight.

But there’s yet another war which may yet be won. Specifically, this:

Fanny packs. They’re sloppy and trashy looking. For whatever reason, fat girls seem unable to grasp the concept that it makes them look dumpy (or, as the case may be, dumpier). It’s like being retarded and wearing a homemade Special Olympics t-shirt with “Special” misspelled as “Speshal”. I mean, why fucking advertise it, you know?

If I were an elf, I think I’d want some of those fruity shoes with the curly toes. That and a shotgun, very long arms, and suicidal predilictions.

Some people have a misunderstanding of Darwin’s theory of Natural Selection: It doesn’t mean the strongest survive, it doesn’t mean the “smartest” survive. All it means is that those individuals who are most able to successfully produce offspring are the most “fit”. Sometimes this might be because they’re strongest, it might be because they’ve adapted to their environment better.

Or it might just be because they fuck like wild bunnies while everyone else is watching television.

So - in one of the delicious ironies of modern culture - some of the people whose religious beliefs are most likely to shun family planning and more likely to promote large families are classic examples of the survival of the “fittest” being such a complex subject. And they’re also the least likely to believe in it.

Fortunately, high-strung Protestant fundamentalists generally come from selfish, materially-oriented viewpoints, so thankfully they’re not popping out kids any faster than the rest of us, and they don’t have some guy in a miter living in Rome telling them that condom use is tantamount to murder.