Unhelpful

My wife and I were out shopping, and as we passed a pet store, we were sucked by powers unknown.

I was looking at something and my wife calls me over. She’s looking at guinea pigs. I’m somewhat confused, as neither of us are what you would call “rodent people”. She pokes me in the ribs and tells me to watch.

I watch.

One of the little guinea pigs is looking for tail. I’ll call him “Action Jackson”. Action Jackson’s running around the cage, trying to score with the other little guinea pigs. The tiny rabbits in the same enclosure are very annoyed. Action Jackson isn’t very selective, as he’s trying to ride every other member of his species. I don’t know if any of the others were male, but I don’t think Action Jackson was terribly worried. Hell, he mounted one the wrong way. When we saw that, we were laughing hysterically, and so were the people next to us.

There were no people next to us. I look over, and the other two people laughing turn out to be a parrot that does a great impression of … two people laughing. So we’re laughing at Action Jackson, the parrot’s laughing at us, then we start laughing at the parrot.

Then the parrot leaps out of the cage and starts gnawing a bunny.

It’s all true, except the bit about the parrot gnawing a bunny. I made that part up. THX.