Unhelpful

One of my cats has a little shallow box she likes to sit in when I’m in the family room. It’s just her size, and she’s big enough to see over it, you know, just in case something interesting happens.

Although it’s probably been lying around here for a year or so, today is the first day I took a look at the writing on it. In big writing, it’s labelled “PROPERTY OF U.S.P.S.”. And it has a warning below that, in smaller print…

I’m not sure how I obtained this box, but I suspect I brought it home from work when I had to cart a few things home. Perhaps my wife did it and not me. The language is pretty clear, and I can only draw one conclusion: I am bad. Naughty. Not just “shake someone’s Etch-a-Sketch upside down while they’re not looking” bad, but “dangerous bomb-making internet cult member pedophile” bad.

I’ve decided that I’m going to stand my ground on this one. If any member of the United States Postal Service wants to have a SWAT team standoff and throw riot gas in my windows, so be it. $1,000 or three years imprisonment with sex-starved extremely hard-bodied men is actually a small price to pay for a slice of kitty joy.

Be careful if you live anywhere near me. I might come up dressed in jean shorts, a loud print shirt, and my favorite Docs - and you’ll think I’m an official representative of the U.S.P.S. since I boldly display my Official Cardboard Postal Box. I’m a dangerous fuck. Don’t test me, I might even steal a soft drink from your refrigerator while you’re not looking.

All of this begs the question, is use as a kitty napping place considered “misuse” for such an icon of proper civil governance?