Unhelpful

I was reading the color advertisements in the Kazakstan Yellow Pages the other day. No joke.

Kazakstan is a large middle-eastern/Asian country that formed after the collapse of the Soviet Union. It borders China, Turkmenistan, Uzbekistan, Kyrgyzstan, and Russia.

Apparently it’s a great place to be if you like vodka, art, and tail. Don’t take my word for it, see the full advertisement for yourself.

Pretty damn hip for a less affluent Muslim nation.

I was searching dejanews for something, and I found the most amazingly daft message I’ve seen about AOL in years.

Here’s a sample:

3. SUPERIOR internet- Why do you go out and buy inferior web browsers, while for less than half the money you can use AOL’s inexplicably good web browser, the original AOL default web browser that comes with AOL is a great way to start exploring the internet. It’s better than Netscape Communicator and he lastest version of internet explorer combined.

The concept of buying a web browser proves that this author really knows his stuff. Needless to say, you’ll want to read the whole message for yourself.

Actually, this is about MP3s, and not about any of the other popular search terms listed…

I came across a hilarious article today. It’s so amazingly stellar, it deserves a running commentary on some selected portions.

RIAA lets MP3 stay in music devices

In response to the popularity of online music and the growth of the MP3 (MPEG 1, Audio Layer 3) digital format, the Recording Industry Association of America, which represents major U.S. record labels, launched the Secure Digital Music Initiative (SDMI) in December.

SDMI consists of representatives from the music and technology industries and is charged with creating specifications for secure music downloads that ostensibly could be built into any download technology. SDMI expects to have those specs by March 2000.

Those specs already exist. It’s called called “MP3″. Read more »

I hate wasps.

Usually, if I encounter one, I can control my rage and either find a way to free it or, if necessary, kill it without too much fuss.

However, self-control comes hard, especially since a few years back when I got stung twice in the same leg in twenty minutes by what turned out to be 1.5 inch long European hornets. Apparently they emmigrated.

Read more »

I was getting a few laughs from abusing people with made-up text strings from cooltext when I started nosing around.

Sure, there’s some obvious fun to be had here, and I’m sure you can think of many, but one that is especially noteworthy is to just go looking through the base directory of the renderer output server.

Just start scanning through and you can see what other people are using cooltext for. It’s like getting a sneak preview of graphics you know are destined for such prestigious destinations as:

Warez sites written by people who can’t correctly choose between “your” and “you’re” 90% of the time.

Crappily thrown together web pages for businesses which never actually draw hits from anyone interested in buying their products.

Countless pages on free web servers such as welcome.to, geocities, angelfire, tripod, and yahoo.

Corporate pages by companies who think that letting the geek in billing put together a page for free is better than paying a design firm to do it right.

Innumerable pages that are “promoted” mainly by spamming people’s guestbooks.

All in all, good clean fun.

I go to the McDonald’s drive-through. The speaker comes on and a girl asks me for my order.

“Number five, super size, with a Coke.”
“Number seven?”
“No, number five.”
“And what would you like to drink?”
“Coke…”
“That’ll be $3.64. Please drive through.”
“No, that’s the wrong price. You forgot to super size the order.”
“OK, please drive through.”

I drive through. And of course, the first thing I’m handed is a small Coke by someone other than the girl who took my order. I start to reach for it, catch myself, and pull my hand back.

“No, this is supposed to be a super size coke.”
“Oh yeah, you had the number seven?”
“No, I had the number five, super sized, with a Coke.”

Folks, this is not rocket science.

At least it wasn’t Wendy’s. Service at McDonald’s varies greatly from place to place, but I have yet to go to a Wendy’s that was anything less than an exercise in aggrivation. My favorite is when they’re the last place around that’s open, and you’re waiting in their drive through for ten minutes before they even acknowledge your presence.

And while I’m on the subject, what the hell is up with late-night drive throughs? Here’s a big fucking hint:
If your drive through is closed, TURN OFF YOUR FUCKING DRIVE-THROUGH SIGN LIGHT.

It’s story time. Sit back and relax.

I went down to Washington DC to watch the fireworks, just like every year for the seven years I’ve lived in Maryland. The draw is indescribable - big crowds, great food, and then the show - as a life-long pyromaniac, this is very satisfying.

I was close to the action, as I’ve had a few years to figure out the very best spot to be. I was so close, in fact, that I had to wash soot from my arms and legs when I got home, as the fallout rained down on me heavily. The area I was at was littered with unburned cardboard shell casings.

Little did I know that the best, this year, was yet to come.

Read more »

Read a version of r33t.org gone terribly, terribly wrong. It’s also a version of r33t.org gone terribly, terribly slow, so be patient.

I’m not going to get into that whole Jar Jar Binks “controversy”, because I think anyone offended by the “inherent racism” of the floppy-eared dude is taking themselves way too seriously, and doing their cause a disservice.

But people taking themselves way too seriously is pretty funny, in and of itself:

Offense to God (O)(2):
repeated talk of subservience to gods
calling on a nonholy force for direction, protection, and strength
claim of a virgin birth
foreseeing the future
repeatedly equating “the force” with God’s Will and His Control
repeated references to a human as “the chosen one”
levitation/psychokineses

Needless to say, someone who can find fault with Star Wars: The Phantom Meneace on a religious level awards the new South Park movie with their highest score yet:

CONTENT: (AbAbAb, LLL, VVV, SSS, NNN, A, DD, MMM) Anti-Christian, anti-God, anti-morality, intentionally immoral, with the most vile content in the history of mainstream moviemaking; 340 counted obscenities (there may be more that are muddled), 14 profanities & many disgusting bodily functions, including vomiting; bloody violence including ripping out heart, ripping body parts apart, splattering blood, & putting heart in micro-wave oven; extreme sex including homosexuality & pedophilia; extreme nudity including pictures of male & female genitalia, & jokes about the same; smoking by young boy & drug use including hash pipe; and, rebellion, theft, lying, cheating, & a surplusage of other depraved content

Wow. At first I thought I wanted to see the South Park movie. After a review like that, I’m convinced. And I’m taking your kids with me.