Unhelpful

tapeworm segments falling from the sky
light and fluffy, much like snow
the fall to the ground, filled with their parasitic load;
for each one contains the seeds of tapeworm yet to come
TUNNELING UP YOUR GUT

You want to go 100 mph, and you need to go at least 80. Is that car you’re about to pass chock-full of pork, or not? Read more »

This missive from Rhykan:

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I was touching my neighbor’s cat sometime last night while waiting for my friends to show up, and then someone told me they were a vegetarian.

That’s right, they were a fucking vegetarian. Now, I don’t know if I’m the only one, but I’m pretty sure meat is food. The redder the better, too. I hate animals. They smell funny and eat grass and shit on my car. Animals DESERVE to be dinner, damnit. Whoever started this whole ‘trendy-to-be-vegetarian’ movement deserves to served up on a platter — fucking vegetarians are always whining about saving animals. Why save animals? We breed them to be eaten, damnit, not to sit in a ranch and chew cud. Besides, if we DIDN’T kill deers and cows and rabbits, they’d just keep breeding and take up more space. That’s not good either, since Canada needs to be kept wide open so we can PAVE it.

I like food, food is good, I like food, food is good, meat is food, I like food, food is good, meat is food…

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While the vegetarian craze is mildly annoying, I’m glad to see someone else promoting the proper treatment of the 51st state.

Pave Canada!

Delusion, who hates steak but isn’t vegetarian

I realize this story is all over the web today, but I have to celebrate the Death of DIVX.

I got a real deal - I bought my DVD player when Circuit City was putting all its DIVX/DVD players on sale, and ended up paying less than I would have for a DVD-only player.

So even though I never purchased a DIVX account (die DIVX die), I get another rebate from DIVX.

kwl

Sometimes Microsoft and Windows in general piss me off.

Take, for example, the key layout of the Microsoft Natural Keyboard. I like the idea of adding extra keys for things you do frequently, but what the hell is up with the “application” key? (Microsoft Natural Keyboard users - it’s the one you never use that’s next to the right Ctrl key)

If Microsoft’s idea of saving time was to assign a common function to a new key, this is the key they should have added:

That would be a key I’d actually be using often. Hell, it would probably wear out quicker than the Enter key. It sure would make those FPS gaming sessions more interesting.

Brazilian catches a Frisbee of Death thrown by Slug{r33t}.
Brazilian dropped.
Slug{r33t}: yet another victim of cleaver Microsoft key assignments.

iMacs aren’t the only things that come in five fun flavors. Visit ir33t, a visual parody.

Colorful
Simple
Moist

Here’s a few tips for “Sharing the Road with Delusion”. Read more »

…pure horror is quite another.

I might be the “master of all sick things” but let me assure you there are some truly revolting things that have nothing to do with bodily fluids or explicit photographs. Things that are so horrible that you’ll find yourself hating me because you can’t get them out of your head.

The other day, I woke up in the morning and urinated. I do this all the time, so it’s nothing new - I’m rather good at it, in fact. What made this day special is that my urine had an unusual fragrance: a musky, manly, yet not unpleasant smell. This was the kind of smell you could use to mark your territory and think to yourself “Damn, I’m smooth!”.

Then I went about my business for the rest of the day, and urinated just before going to bed. Again, an unusual fragrance; this time it had an even stranger smell. It had a distinct citrus aroma, a “fresh, clean scent”. I know, this sounds odd, but it’s true. I had eaten a lot of York Peppermint Patties during the day, and very little else - maybe there’s a connection.

If I were a marketing guru selling different urine formulas, I would have sold the morning scent as “Musk”, and the evening scent as “Cool Breeze”, or maybe “Lemon Grove”…
…or better yet, “Lemon Groove”.

Eugenics was the bad side of biological control.

Think of The Voluntary Human Extinction Movement as the good side.

Slugs are cool. They’re completely, utterly r33t.

You might not be aware of this, and that’s understandable, because so very few people are.

You would think of slugs as r33t if you knew how they mated. If you’ve ever seen it, it’s one of the most disturbing thing to watch that doesn’t involve a close-up of childbirth.

You might not believe it if I didn’t show you, hence the picture. They find a sexy branch, the male convinces the female that it will respect it even more in the morning, and then the real fun begins.

They hang from the branch via a string of gluey mucus, twist around each other, and expose their blue sexual organs. This goes on for about 90 minutes, which is a lot longer than the time needed to prepare this stunning dish:

Slug Forestière

24 mushroom caps
1/2 can (24) slugs, drained
1/2 cup sweet butter
1 garlic clove, crushed and chopped fine
1/4 cup finely chopped parsley
Salt and pepper to taste

Broil or sauté mushroom caps. Fill each cap with one slug. Whip butter until soft. Add garlic, parsley, and salt and pepper. Place a dab of butter mixture on top of each slug and broil until butter has melted and mushrooms are hot. Makes 4 servings.

enjoy