Unhelpful

Did you discover r33t.{org/com/net} by accident by a strange (probably inaccurate) search engine hit? Did you keep on reading regularly anyway?

Tell us your story.

Kevin Mitnick’s long war with injustice is almost over. Whether you care for his agenda or not, several facts are indisputable: The government violated his civil rights by imprisoning him for years before even charging him of a crime. The prosecution convinced the judge to hold him because neither one of them had a real grasp on the fundamental facts in the case.

Having said that, I would like to make it clear that I’m not Mitnick cheerleader. Whatever else Kevin Mitnick might be, a guy with a lot of common sense he isn’t. How many times do you have to get caught to figure out you’re not good enough to keep doing what you’re doing? I don’t think that that has occurred yet, so I predict another installment in this story a few months after release: Kevin screws up again and lands in jail because he wasn’t smart enough to figure out his every move will be watched for the rest of his life.

They’re giving him enough rope to hang himself; the question is will he be stupid enough to take advantage of it? I personally suspect he will, and if getting screwed by the government for four years isn’t enough to keep him on the straight and narrow, I can only offer the following sentiment:

For the mental well-being of halfwit a0l haxx

r33t.{org/com/net}’s favorite millenialist conspiracy theory spammer strikes again. Just when you thought Rob couldn’t get any more in-your-face, he assaults his spam lists with a jacked-up wake up call for loonies everywhere.

The new material is as follows: Read more »

Stripped finger size crispy white meat in hot garlic sauce embroiled w. broccoli.

William S. Burroughs, 1914-1997

Even if you don’t agree with his politics and agenda, you can’t impugn the man’s ability to hit home when he was in a ranting mood. He weilded sarcasm like a chainsaw.

Don’t take my word for it. Get a taste for yourself:

Read more »

I’m in the grocery store tonight to get some important things. Coke… I’m out of Coke.

It suddenly occurs to me that I forgot to stop by the local department-store-style pet shop; my three cats were out of food.

Let me pose a question - maybe it’s rhetorical, so feel free to ponder at length:

Why are 3.5 pound bags of dried cat and dog food even sold?

Who are these for, people who only have a cat or dog for a few days before moving on to their next pet? Jesus christ, anything less than a 30 pound bag of Purina Pussy Food and I feel like I’ve wasted my money and effort. Hell, I’d buy kitty cereal by the 50 gallon tub if they sold it that way.

Date: Tue, 23 Nov 1999 01:51:25 -0800
From: _____
To: gimps@eef.r33t.org
Subject: doodie.jp

congratulations.

ep-sample has forever sealed my fate at [a certain California university]. it has also proved itself as an invaluable tool for weeding out the losers in your crew.

Read more »

r33t haiku:

Love-starved sheep, poor thing
It’s not sex if I don’t come
I’m not wearing pants

r33t haiku: (English to Portuguese via babelfish)

Carneiros starved do amor, coisa deficiente
Não é sexo se eu não vier
Eu não estou desgastando calças

r33t haiku: (And back to English with the same engine)

Sheep starved of the love, deficient thing
It is not sex if I not to come
I am not consuming pants

My review of the 70’s (Led Zeppelin) meets 80’s (pop metal) meets 90’s (industrial dance) cover/remix/etc album “A Tribute to Led Zeppelin - The Song Remains Remixed” is now available on the reviews page.

Don’t touch yourself down there until you’ve read it.

Thanks

My wife is in Canada for a week.

Her story is that she’s going to a class on company business.

I think she’s lying.

I think she’s defecting.

It’s our national outfit.

The ethnic outfit of the American consists of tennis shoes. It’s what most of them (us, dammit) wear. They’re big, clunky, and utterly tasteless - especially the brand name varieties. I haven’t worn them in almost 10 years and I certainly don’t miss them, preferring low Doc’s or a military boot.

But, as I’ve dealt with this issue, I’ve come to the point where I just accept it. It’s too pervasive to fight.

But there’s yet another war which may yet be won. Specifically, this:

Fanny packs. They’re sloppy and trashy looking. For whatever reason, fat girls seem unable to grasp the concept that it makes them look dumpy (or, as the case may be, dumpier). It’s like being retarded and wearing a homemade Special Olympics t-shirt with “Special” misspelled as “Speshal”. I mean, why fucking advertise it, you know?

If I were an elf, I think I’d want some of those fruity shoes with the curly toes. That and a shotgun, very long arms, and suicidal predilictions.

Some people have a misunderstanding of Darwin’s theory of Natural Selection: It doesn’t mean the strongest survive, it doesn’t mean the “smartest” survive. All it means is that those individuals who are most able to successfully produce offspring are the most “fit”. Sometimes this might be because they’re strongest, it might be because they’ve adapted to their environment better.

Or it might just be because they fuck like wild bunnies while everyone else is watching television.

So - in one of the delicious ironies of modern culture - some of the people whose religious beliefs are most likely to shun family planning and more likely to promote large families are classic examples of the survival of the “fittest” being such a complex subject. And they’re also the least likely to believe in it.

Fortunately, high-strung Protestant fundamentalists generally come from selfish, materially-oriented viewpoints, so thankfully they’re not popping out kids any faster than the rest of us, and they don’t have some guy in a miter living in Rome telling them that condom use is tantamount to murder.

It’s one thing to believe what you say.

It’s quite another to be so obsessed that you become blinded, shut off from reality.

One more kiss, then we’re history.

All roads lead to Rome….

…and some very unusual roads lead to r33t.

The Quality Assurance team here at r33t occasionally (read “many times a day”) check our web referrer log to see from what oddball route people are getting to r33t. A recurring favorite is the section from search engines. Take a look at some of the ways people have stumbled upon our humble site:

Via Altavista: soap suds
Via Hotbot: smother, rape
Via Altavista: free trademark search
Via Snap: Tele Tubbies
Via Excite: ass fuck photos
Via Askjeeves: what does r33t mean?
Via Yahoo: poontang pie
Via Dogpile: don’t fuck with jesus

r33t.org - here to serve all your bubble rape teletubbie jesus trademark fuck needs.

It terrifies me to think that I’m sharing the road with people who grew up before the era of videogame sensory overload.

It terrifies me to think that I’m sharing the road with people who learned to drive in an environment where they’re used to having three lives.